Can You Be a Mix of Authoritative and Authoritarian? Is it Good for Your Kids?

Parenting is like walking a tightrope—balancing love and discipline without losing your footing. But what if you could blend the nurturing vibe of an authoritative parent with the firmness of an authoritarian? 

Is it really possible to craft a parenting style that’s equal parts love and control? And most importantly, how does it impact your child’s growth and development?

In this post, we’ll break it down, bust myths, and reveal if mixing these approaches can actually work wonders for your kids.

Can You Blend Authoritarian and Authoritative Styles?

Many parents find themselves unconsciously adopting a mix of parenting styles. For instance, Maybe you’re firm and strict when it comes to rules around safety, but more flexible and understanding when dealing with schoolwork or emotions. So, does this combination actually help your kids, or does it just leave them confused?

Well, it’s all about balance and consistency. And my answer is – Yes, combining authoritative and authoritarian styles can work, but only if you’re careful not to send mixed messages. A combination of authoritarian and authoritative approaches can be effective when done thoughtfully. 

However, If you’re constantly switching approaches, it might create uncertainty for your child. 

The Risks of Inconsistent Parenting

Through a survey of thousands of families, we noticed a common pattern: parents often switch up their parenting style to manage different situations with their kids. But here’s the thing—this inconsistency can sometimes do more harm than good. 

A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that children who experience mixed messages from their parents are more likely to struggle with emotional regulation and develop anxiety or defiance. 

For example, if one day you’re strict and authoritarian, and the next you’re lenient and nurturing, your child might feel lost about what’s expected of them. It’s like changing the rules of a game halfway through—no one knows what to do next!

Benefits of a Well-Blended Approach

When you mix the right amount of structure and support, it can really work wonders for your child. You know kids need both structure and emotional support. So, combining authoritative and authoritarian styles—when done thoughtfully—can help achieve this balance.

Here’s what that looks like: you can stick to the rules like an authoritarian parent, but also talk to your child and show understanding like an authoritative parent. This way, your child knows what’s expected of them, and they feel supported too. They’ll follow the rules because they understand why they’re important, not just because they’re scared of punishment.

When the Mix Leans Too Far Toward Authoritarianism

The balance of parenting styles is really important. If a parent is too strict and controlling (authoritarian), the benefits of being firm yet supportive (authoritative) may be lost. A parent who is usually strict but occasionally tries to be supportive might not give their child the emotional security they need.

From what we’ve seen, kids who grow up in very strict homes often have low self-esteem, trouble with friends, and behavior problems. Sometimes, strict parenting can make kids want to rebel against their parents. When rules are too harsh and punishments are severe, children may become afraid to make mistakes. This fear can stop them from becoming independent and confident..

Final Thoughts – Strive for Balance, but Aim for Authoritative

It’s important to mix parenting styles, but you should aim to be more authoritative. 

Good parenting isn’t just about letting kids do whatever they want. It’s about creating a structured environment where children know the rules and what happens if they break them, while also feeling supported and encouraged to grow. By combining good communication, warmth, and discipline, parents can build a healthy and trusting relationship with their kids, helping them succeed in life.

In the end, mixing parenting styles can work, but always make sure to put emotional support first. If you need help with parenting, schedule a meeting with us. Our experienced parenting coach is here to help you become the best parent you can be!